One may call it harm, but I would call it a release,
For the pain on the outside is used to mask the pain on the inside to provide an inner peace,
As blood is drawn, with each drop an inkling of that inner turmoil is lost,
The suppressed feelings within are satiated at this somewhat small cost.
I wrote this at what felt like an extremely difficult time. I thought my life was at the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe I was a little depressed, but harming myself was something I thought helped me. Little did I know that it was just making things worse. I didn’t talk to anyone about it. I’d hide the wounds so nobody would see them. As a Muslim woman this was easy.
One day, something came over me. I just had to tell someone. The only one I could bring myself to speak to was my best friend. He helped me realise that it was not as harmless as I was thinking it to be. Speaking to him helped me feel better. I promised him I would never hurt myself again.. To this day I haven’t.
Having the weight lifted off my shoulders I’ve found has made it easier to deal with the bad days. There are times where I still think about taking something sharp to my skin again, but a stronger mentality means I can overcome this urge.
There are people out there going through something much tougher than I.
Thank you Shahji